A dear friend of mine suggested that I share more stories about how I was before my so called awakening. My hope is that this sharing is found to be useful. One of the stories that stands out for me, explaining just how self destructive I was, is my prom. I got so drunk that I recall very little of what happened that night. The problem with self destructive behavior is it’s selfish with little regard for others; I never even thought about how my behavior affected my date as it was also her prom. Forget what I did to myself, those around me suffered just as much or maybe even more than me because of this selfishness. We truly hurt the one’s who love us the most when we alone are the center of our Universe (attachment to I).
Years ago I attended a friends weddings where some of us at the table took a hit of acid, I took two (I had to). Needless to say we all got thrown out of the wedding. I’m not writing any of this to condone what happened, I’m just trying to show I’m no different than anyone else. We all have our stories, but it’s how we use them to possibly helps other that’s important, but only important to a degree.
Behavior of this manner doesn’t allow you to form relationships with others and I can’t even begin to touch upon the people especially women that were affected by this conditioning. I always had a certain charisma when it came to women, but since I was selfish they were only seen as notches on my belt. There were a lot of notches because no matter who I was with, there was never satisfaction. This is only to show I was caught in the grip of always reaching for the next fix and this was without any awareness whatsoever that this is how it had to be.
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