Loss of Innocence

    Painting by constantdoodler on DeviantArt

I clearly remember a time in my young life losing my innocence, at least, that’s what I call it. I always wanted to please people, so I made an effort to always be kind, compassionate, and forgiving. I paid close attention to those who seemed to need a friend, and I tried to become a friend to them. I got along with everyone, especially because I do not like conflict. I avoided confrontation at all costs. I loved helping others. I became a great listener because most people just need someone to listen to them and empathize with them. They do not really want advice. Occasionally, some would ask for advice, and I would do my best with the limited experience I had at that point. Many considered me a sort of psychologist for them. I always tried to be encouraging and to point out valuable qualities in them that I admired.

As I grew into adulthood, I realized that no matter how kind you are to some people, they are not always kind in return. This was a great disappointment to me because I believed that if you were kind to someone, they would naturally wish to be kind in return. The joy of being kind to others disappeared. I remember consciously coming to the conclusion that being kind to someone was, sometimes, not worth it. The experience of betrayal and rejection caused more pain than I was willing to accept at the time. In addition, I began believing that it was because I somehow had less value. I wondered if it was my fault. Consequently, I became more reserved and more introverted.

Now, many, many years later, with more God in my life, I learned something different. I learned about God’s kind of love, what the Bible calls “charity” or “agape.” This kind of love is completely unselfish and is not affected by what treatment we receive from others. It is given unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. Therefore, if I lend a friend $5,000, I offer it not expecting to be paid back in return. This is rather unusual, since allowing someone to borrow money generally means that he/she is expected to pay it back. Charity results in greater rewards than ordinary kindness. Rather than being proud of ourselves for performing acts of kindness, charity is offered as a sacrifice. That $5,000 really hurt my pocketbook. I couldn’t really afford it, so I must make due with less for a while. However, I do not mind it because I want to make this sacrifice to help a friend and to glorify God. I am fully aware that it is God who wants me to give the loan and so in loving God, I obey. He will be glorified in this act of charity “because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Romans 5:5). That means that I will experience God’s love in my heart, and the Holy Spirit will work on my friend’s heart, as well.  

What happens when I offer love that involves a sacrifice? The Holy Spirit awakens in us. He fills with an inexpressible joy. The greater the sacrifice involved in an act of charity, the greater elation we experience. It seems that the Holy Spirit replaces the pain of sacrifice with an equal degree of happiness. When I experienced the greatest sacrifice in giving, I also experienced a supernatural kind of ecstasy, which can only be attributed to the Holy Spirit. I now understand what Christ meant when He said, “If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?” (Matthew 5:46). 

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